The third week of September was welcomed by me and four family members as we embarked upon a long anticipated trip to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania and surrounding cities. Because of an independent musician's radio station stationed in Newcastle, PA:
HUGS at https://www.wrgg.org/(Tues and Wed evenings) and my involvement as a solo songwriter and also band member of Xavier Hay and the Dead Man's Band, https://thedeadmansband.com/ I was invited along with several others to take part in a gathering/performance in Biglerville, PA at the property of our radio host's home. Originally this gathering was to combine with another larger festival called the Apple Festival in Biglerville, but due to covid restrictions it was cancelled. Still, I was full of enthusiasm and excitement to meet several friends who I had collaborated with and talked to online through the radio shows.
Masked and ready my husband Jacob and our three oldest children - split up between two different airlines, found each other at the Baltimore airport by late evening Sept 16th. The hope was that I would be able to go visit various places with them including Washington, DC and Gettysburg and that when I attended music gatherings they would feel free to stay or go sight-seeing. We arrived and lodged in a lovely Victorian style Air B n B in a "borough" called Littlestown. Our delightful, kind hosts served us breakfast each morning and gave us advice of places to visit. Here are a few scenes from Littlestown. Littlestown:https://www.facebook.com/1593228158/videos/444717973646342/
Some of the other places we visited while we were in Central PA/MD include: Biglerville, Gettysburg, Lancaster, Washington DC, Shady Grove, Lewisberry and Harrisburg.
The music experiences and friendships nurtured and gained in Biglerville were valuable and enjoyable. I was able to perform with two groups from Logan, Utah area. I also performed a short set as a soloist and I did backup fiddle or mandolin for multiple groups/artists. All of this has enhanced and added color to my experience as a musician.
The musical experiences I had in PA were awesome, but not what I want to focus on mainly in this writing. So much has been on my mind in the Autumn months of September and October.
On Sunday the 19th we decided to take a trip to Lancaster, PA where there are several groups of Amish families. Sunday is a day where is the Amish go to church and gather together as friends & family. There was an Amish farm museum open so this is where we went to explore and learn more about the Amish way of life. We had a guided tour through an "Amish home" It was simply furnished, modest size. We saw up close the clothing worn by people all ages, we learned about the traditions, rules and expectations in their community. The Amish are not allowed to go to public school , drive cars, watch youtube or TV, go to the library or play music, except simple religious songs with minimal instrumentation. They are deeply religious folk and faithful Christians. They are not to integrate in society except for certain jobs where they can earn a living, including construction work. The children we learned about don't ride bikes, but they can ride scooters. Children and teens are respectful to adults, they learn to work hard at a young age. Their schooling teaches them to be self reliant and proficient in many tasks which help keep their communities thriving and their homes stable.
There is a large emphasis on family togetherness and unity and helpfulness within the community. When they are "of age" they are allowed to leave the community, go out into the world and decide if they want to join others outside the Amish community. If they do, they become separate but not shunned.
There is so much to be learned from Amish communities and families. I started to write a silly little poem and this is what came to mind:
If I could live a day
The Amish way,
What would I do,
What would I say?
I think I would need
To change my deeds
To slow my speed
And take great heed.
My wearing of pink jeans, tie dye top
& flowery dresses would have to stop.
That fiddle I play
Well it'd have to stay
So would the mando and ukelele
There may not be time for fun
To frolic in the mountains or go for a run
So much work to be done.
What if I had been raised
All my childhood days
In this way of life
Would I know less strife?
Would I find greater joy in my family abode?
Those worldly pleasures, could I let go?
Would I value the simple
And love what I know?
I didn't get any pictures of the Amish, I didn't even see any on their way to or from church that day. I would have liked to. I would have liked to follow an Amish wife/mother or a child around for a day. But, of course as my Husband and son explained, that would be very invasive and impolite. I did buy a souvenir/reminder in the gift shop at the Amish museum to add to my outrageously loaded key chain. A reminder to think more like them, to learn from them. In this crazy world, I believe they live so much what is TRUE and RIGHT.
I share with you now a song deeply personal, not officially released.. It's one I'm still seeking to find the right places for and it emerged during a difficult time of my life. It's about letting go. For each of us this is something different. It could be anger, hurt or sadness. It could be addiction, sin or fear.. Perhaps something within will speak to your heart too.
I created the composition & lyrics, recording and technical direction from John Carter,
Drums, bass, guitar musical elements added by Alexander Aruca, my friend from PA. He also arranged the master production.
There is one more experience I would like to share. Just yesterday, on the evening of October 11th, 2021 my sweet little parakeet, Pahbo who I've had a very special bond with died suddenly due to my own negligence. We had recently lost another little parakeet, Sunny sometime while we were in PA, cause unknown.
There is nothing quite like the grief of losing a sweet animal you have loved in a way that you know could have been prevented. And it was me. My own choices, my own actions. Tears flowed for what seemed like hours. Several tears shared with my tender hearted 8 year old daughter, Alina who loved him and spent time with him too. We sat close as I held his still warm body, touched his soft feathers. We shared our sorrow and love for him. We shared many conversations about what happened. Even she tried to take some of the blame, I think to comfort me. The cause was I believe from poisoning from a heated Teflon pan, which if left on without food in it, can emit toxin for birds. Pahbo was in the kitchen. I was making bread and cooking scones for the family. And at the same time creating a ridiculous (and so very unimportant) short video clip to share on social media. I believe it was due to me being distracted by social media, that led to my forget-fullness. This is a clear example of how there are times when having a spontaneous free spirit can lead to making big mistakes and pain for self and others. The grief and shame I am experiencing penetrates deep. Time is needed for self-forgiveness. And prayer. I continue to pray that I will be open to the teachings and course corrections needed in this very painful experience. My mother reminded me that there are several experiences of parents who lose their children due to accidents. Several years ago, we ALMOST lost a child due to one of those accidents. Sometimes I wonder throught all the years and experiences of raising a family , how many times there has been Heavenly intervention to protect. Probably far more than we realize.
I deeply hope and pray that little Pahbo's death will not be in vain, that my heart will become deeper and more understanding of others. And that I will find greater self-discipline and vigilance in caring for those around me and gain more mindfulness and cut back more in my use of social media.
Farewell, sweet Pahbo. I hope you are flying free and happy in a place with many other winged critters in a special, beautiful place. I love you. I will never forget you. And I choose to seek continued openness in heart and mind, to become a better me. Thankyou for your precious life.
For a short video clip, a lively one of Pahbo talking and "dancing:"
I thank all of you for reading this blog post. I'm not sure the best way to weave all the thoughts together. Perhaps sometimes it isn't needful. I do know I find comfort in writing and sharing because these thoughts/experiences are tied to the real me, and because it helps me to make more sense of my inner world. Yet I release it with the sincere hope it will bring comfort and insights to at least one other person.
May God bless you in your journey and may we continue onward in faith and hope for a brighter future and a better world.